I stepped on the scale this past weekend and registered at 270lbs. I stared at the number, 2-7-0. Earlier in the week I was around 264 so I figured water retention or something but still, it was truth, my 5’5″ frame weighed that much. I’ve slipped back to 267, but still, that’s WAY off from where I should be. A good 100+lbs actually too high, but baby steps. I’ve had a whisper in my head for a year now to not ignore my health. This time last year I was living a healthier life, eating well, was 35lbs lighter and HAPPY with myself and the changes I was making. And then it all reversed course.
After I weighed myself I decided to do something I’ve never done before….I took a photo of myself like they do on The Biggest Loser*. I was disgusted. I didn’t realize, to a point, how I looked. When you’re uncomfortable with your body you avoid looking in mirror below boob-level. Now I know what I look like. I have it captured in lots of little pixels making up an image. I do.not.like.it. My lumps are on top of already not feeling the best. I get winded. I look pregnant. I have a large chest so when my stomach began to poke out farther I could have shopped in maternity for around the 5 months along mark. So depressing.
After sulking for a bit I picked up my phone and got on Twitter. I had recently seen Jessica Smith post about her latest walking workout video and I was interested. The last time I tried to Zumba a few months ago I was so winded and just felt like a dancing marshmallow man that I left feeling worse than when I started class. The video should arrive on my doorstep today–a full review to come so keep a look out!
Speaking of Jessica, I follow her over on PopSugar and last spring won a pair of adorable Fila compression pants and a tank top, which I need to now fit back into. I love all the content on her personal site and also over on PopSugar! If you’ve never visited either site I encourage you to go as they’re very helpful.
The weird thing is I know what it takes to lose weight, I just.don’t.do.it. I also know I’m the one holding myself back. It’s not like I broke my back and can’t workout! I also can control what I put in my mouth and there are days where I feel like a crack addict but my choice of drug is junk food or candy. All choices I ignore and don’t make the right ones. One of those choices being I don’t go to the gym I pay for every month, yet I am debating on keeping it or not. I haven’t been in months. I hate the treadmill. The class schedules don’t usually work for me; either the class is before I can get there after work or later in the evening and that’s the time I want to be home and already enjoying time with my husband…who wants to be at the gym at 8pm? Not me. So I don’t know what to do. It doesn’t help I spend $62 a month to go to that place and I’m just wasting my money (by not going). I do love their weight section and if I can get back into weights I definitely need their heavier weights because while I may be out-of-shape weight and cardio wise I’m still a pretty strong gal.
But before I go, Jessica’s article on the emotional eating cycle is a good one to read. I need to remember to put the candy down and get out for a walk. Lord knows I live in a beautiful area and could use the fresh air!
What would you do? Give up the gym, save the money and give it a try at home? Or get back to the gym because home workouts tend to not work?
*That photo will never make its way to the internet. Ever. Even if I transform my body and look like Jessica Biel.
Disclaimer: Jessica Smith does not know who I am and I was not given free product, asked to write about her video or to do a review.
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Tags: exercise, health, walking, weight
