Facing Truth

I stepped on the scale this past weekend and registered at 270lbs. I stared at the number, 2-7-0. Earlier in the week I was around 264 so I figured water retention or something but still, it was truth, my 5’5″ frame weighed that much. I’ve slipped back to 267, but still, that’s WAY off from where I should be. A good 100+lbs actually too high, but baby steps. I’ve had a whisper in my head for a year now to not ignore my health. This time last year I was living a healthier life, eating well, was 35lbs lighter and HAPPY with myself and the changes I was making. And then it all reversed course.

After I weighed myself I decided to do something I’ve never done before….I took a photo of myself like they do on The Biggest Loser*. I was disgusted. I didn’t realize, to a point, how I looked. When you’re uncomfortable with your body you avoid looking in mirror below boob-level. Now I know what I look like. I have it captured in lots of little pixels making up an image. I do.not.like.it. My lumps are on top of already not feeling the best. I get winded. I look pregnant. I have a large chest so when my stomach began to poke out farther I could have shopped in maternity for around the 5 months along mark. So depressing.

After sulking for a bit I picked up my phone and got on Twitter. I had recently seen Jessica Smith post about her latest walking workout video and I was interested. The last time I tried to Zumba a few months ago I was so winded and just felt like a dancing marshmallow man that I left feeling worse than when I started class. The video should arrive on my doorstep today–a full review to come so keep a look out!

Speaking of Jessica, I follow her over on PopSugar and last spring won a pair of adorable Fila compression pants and a tank top, which I need to now fit back into. I love all the content on her personal site and also over on PopSugar! If you’ve never visited either site I encourage you to go as they’re very helpful.

The weird thing is I know what it takes to lose weight, I just.don’t.do.it. I also know I’m the one holding myself back. It’s not like I broke my back and can’t workout! I also can control what I put in my mouth and there are days where I feel like a crack addict but my choice of drug is junk food or candy. All choices I ignore and don’t make the right ones. One of those choices being I don’t go to the gym I pay for every month, yet I am debating on keeping it or not. I haven’t been in months. I hate the treadmill. The class schedules don’t usually work for me; either the class is before I can get there after work or later in the evening and that’s the time I want to be home and already enjoying time with my husband…who wants to be at the gym at 8pm? Not me. So I don’t know what to do. It doesn’t help I spend $62 a month to go to that place and I’m just wasting my money (by not going). I do love their weight section and if I can get back into weights I definitely need their heavier weights because while I may be out-of-shape weight and cardio wise I’m still a pretty strong gal.

But before I go, Jessica’s article on the emotional eating cycle is a good one to read. I need to remember to put the candy down and get out for a walk. Lord knows I live in a beautiful area and could use the fresh air!

What would you do? Give up the gym, save the money and give it a try at home? Or get back to the gym because home workouts tend to not work?

*That photo will never make its way to the internet. Ever. Even if I transform my body and look like Jessica Biel.

Disclaimer: Jessica Smith does not know who I am and I was not given free product, asked to write about her video or to do a review.

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6 thoughts on “Facing Truth

  1. Hugs! I know the feeling. I was doing great after baby 3, then I slid back and gained back a few pounds (UGH!!). I have been working out with my husband’s trainer since Thanksgiving about 2X a week, plus what I do at home. What I find is if I know someone is waiting for me…I’ll go. Otherwise…it is too easy to find excuses :(
    The irony is….I have built so much muscle density this winter and haven’t lost a pound on the scale ;-) Cruel isn’t it? ;-) Ah well, I can almost stand looking at myself again. Somewhat. Way more to go!!!!
    So hang in…you can do it!

  2. I really feel you on this one. The weight just creeps up so slowly, and especially in the winter. I get really frustrated because we eat mostly healthy food, just too much of it. So there are no real easy “quick fixes” left, just good old fashioned hard work and moderation.

    I think the best thing for working out is to find what excites you. And to get out the mentality that it has to LOOK like a workout. In the past for me, that’s mostly meant horseback riding, biking, and hiking – although sometimes it’s just long walks with the dog, or yoga. Getting moving, even if it’s not totally calorie busting like weight session at the gym, is worth way more in the long run when the minutes/hours slip by while you’re doing it, you know? Good luck with your weight loss! I’ll be right there fighting it out, too.

  3. Hey girl! So I tweeted you in advance so you would know this is coming from a place of love. So here goes, some tough love and some truth.
    1.) Do NOT ditch that membership. If losing weight is what you want to do, you will NEED the gym. Home workouts alone will not do it. A combo of both is great, but if I had to choose between one or the other? Gym. All. The. Way. If I make it to the gym, I’m gonna work out. I mean, I’m there, why not? When I pledge to workout at home? I get there, let my bunny out of his cage and decide, “eh, 20 minutes of tv and then a workout.” Know what happens after 20 minutes? NOT WORKING OUT.
    I too have some shitty self control. My inner dialogue has no problem calling me a fatass or telling me I’m an idiot but it REFUSES to give me pep talks (asshole!).
    Also, I find at the gym, other members keep me motivated. Whether it’s the girl that’s in amazing shape who’s body I want to have RIGHT THIS MINUTE (without having to work for it of course) or the “big girl” on the ellyptical who has further to go than me and she is there every day with a smile on her face.
    I hear you don’t love the treadmill or your gym’s class schedules. Can you switch gyms? Look into it :)
    2.) I’m not gonna pretend that I have ever been obese. I’m one of the “lucky ones” who’s body runs on hyperoverdrive and my metabolism follows suit (FWIW, being accused of having an eating disorder hurts pretty bad. I don’t know if it hurts AS BAD as being called fat but either way people – mind yo business!). So I can’t pretend to know emotionally what you’re going through (although having T1 diabetes gives me some insight on a body not doing what you expect it to). I can tell you WANT to make this better, but wanting is never enough. You need to work. You need to work HARD. And you need to commit yourself 100%. Changing your body isn’t easy – you didn’t get to where you are overnight and you won’t get down to your dream body overnight either. With that said, it’s time to evaluate your commitment. If you aren’t committed to doing something every day that can be defined as exercise and being aware of EVERY morsel of food entering your body then you’re not ready to lose the weight. It’s that simple. I know what you want – and you deserve it and can attain it. I’m here for moral support and anything else I can do to help you along the way. But this is your journey. No one can do this but you. And if you REALLY want to, you will. I have faith in you chicky!!!! <3 xoxo

  4. I wouldn’t give up the membership simply because I know I won’t do it at home either. What has kick-started me each time is signing up for a few weeks with a personal trainer to force me back into the habit.

  5. That takes real courage, Sara. I haven’t got over the hump either and need to I am doing a six mile walk with my sister in June. I was taking a Tae Kwon Do class I loved but our instructor moved. I personally find motivation in a group. Hope you find yours again.

  6. aw Sara you can do it! I’ve been struggling lately too and it’s a matter of finding that spark, that motivation to really get us moving and to actually make a change. Good luck, we’re all here with you!

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